Correct strategy?

The question says it all really. It has been going on at least two years physically and possibly two years before that emotionally she was his affair partner between ’97 & 03. They split, we met, got on with it fairly quickly, I was 40, she was 35. We now have two girls 11&12 and a dreadful mess. It has been stop/start (supposedly). I found out in August is was on again and I moved out. Since then she overnights with him on a weekly basis after palming the kids off somewhere. I have told her I will not discuss anything whilst she is still seeing him. I issued an ultimatum three weeks ago, bin him or it is divorce, I never heard from her so I have met with a lawyer
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